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Sit up straight…no elbows on the table…chew with your aperture closed. In simpler times, afore Facebook and Twitter and Instagram, actuality on your Ps and Qs at a anniversary affair was adequately easy; attach to the aforementioned, and you’d be all good. But in the age of amusing media, breeding isn’t so black-and-white. If you’re at someone’s home, do you charge their permission to column photos of their decor? And what about aback banquet is served—is it OK to breeze pics of the avoid bonbon and angel tarte, or is that gauche?
We’ve had lots of questions as we’ve able for addition division of appointment parties, affair in-laws, and acquisition with accompany and family, and for answers, we angry to Lizzie Post, great-great-granddaughter of allegorical amenities able Emily Column and co-president of the Emily Column Institute. Post, who additionally hosts the Awesome Amenities Podcast, gave us her admonition for actuality a accommodating affair bedfellow in 2017. Take note.
If you’re at a affair and cat-and-mouse for a acquaintance to arrive, is it OK to absorb yourself on your phone?
“It depends on the blazon of party. If the point is for you to be there bond and mingling, you should absolutely be participating. That actuality said, it can be tough. A lot of bodies get afraid and they don’t apperceive what to do, so I never begrudge addition axis to that phone. But if you can aboriginal try to allocution to a brace of bodies and maybe get some aliment or a beverage, that says, ‘I’ve showed up to the party, I’m participating, and I’m not anon branch to a bend while I delay for my acquaintance to appearance up.’”
What are the rules with accepting your buzz out during a sit-down dinner?
“You don’t. The alone time that a buzz comes out during a sit-down banquet is, let’s say, you consistently banquet with bodies in your amusing amphitheater at someone’s home and it’s actual casual. That’s the affectionate of atmosphere aback bodies are advancing to the table with their phones in their pockets, and there comes a moment aback anybody is debating article that you can aloof Google, or you’re cogent a adventure and a photo has to appear out to enhance it. But as a guest, you should never absolutely be the one initiating that. Leave it to the host to say, ‘Somebody grab their phone, we gotta see this photo.’”
Let’s say you’re at someone’s home and you absolutely adulation the decor. Is it OK to column pictures of it?
“You should ask the host first. We’ve absolutely had bodies address to the podcast saying, ‘Someone came over to my house, took all these photos, and again aggregate them. It looked like my abode was for sale—they photographed every room.’ It can be absolutely awkward and feel actual invasive. Most hosts are activity to be acceptant of you demography affair pictures, but not acceptant of you demography photos of their home.”
If you’re demography pictures at a affair and added bodies are in them, do you charge their permission to allotment them?
“I anticipate it’s consistently a acceptable abstraction to ask, abnormally if you’re with bodies you don’t apperceive or new groups of friends.”
People will generally ask for your amusing handles at a affair and chase you on the spot. Is that advised acceptable manners?
“It’s not bad. It’s accomplished if bodies appetite to do that, but I wouldn’t admonish anyone aback they go to chase addition saying, ‘OK, chase me back.’ But aloof allurement to chase you and accomplishing it appropriate again and there is OK.”
So if addition follows you, you’re not answerable to chase them back?
“No. Big relief—you’re not answerable to chase anybody. It’s your best how you administer your accounts.”
People can see area you are and what you’re accomplishing on amusing media. If you abatement an allure to one party, should you burden from announcement a account from addition one?
“No, no, no—not at all. This is a absolutely big botheration during the holidays. There are alone so abounding nights during the season, and it’s absolutely accessible that you’ll get arrive to two, three, four, or bristles parties on the aforementioned night. You’re activity to say yes to one—or a brace and party-hop—but there will consistently be article you’re adage yes to and article you’re adage no to. If addition says no to your affair but posts photos at addition one, you gotta let that go. It’s not your business, really. Focus on what happened on your affair and who came to it.”
Photos: Shot on armpit at 6 Columbus, a Sixty Hotel. Top photo: Coat, Sandy Liang; Tee, Dior; Earrings, Paige Novick; Jeans, Sandy Liang; Black Shoes, Miu Miu. Center photo: L to R. On Jonelle: Coat, Sandy Liang; Jeans, Sandy Liang; Tee, Dior; Earrings, Paige Novick; On Solveig: Dress, Jonathan Simkhai; Coat, Sandy Liang; Hair, Angela Soto; Makeup, Andriani.
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